the navel times and observer

Erm, it's been so long, and I don't know what to say. Well, not really.

It was crazy on the drive back from my new home tonight thinking that exactly one week ago all I knew was that the Blade, at least for the very immediate future, was behind me, and somewhere in the ether was a new job for the Joplin Globe. I found out since then that I still have health insurance (Huzzah!) which let me fix up my tooth which was completely exposed as the gum material receded (oh, such lovely terms those dentists use). This means I may be able to save one more tooth from falling out. After all, without my retainer I already look like "Toothless Joe".

It also means two appointments in a week's time to do the procedure and take out the stitches (fun? you betcha), and possibly a third and a fourth to finish this puppy up. I'm excited, my mouth will once again look "normal". At least as normal as mine ever will.

I also discovered this new city, Lamar. Lamar, at pop. 4,425 (according to the welcome sign), would pretty much meet your expectations of a city that size. It's small, has a few restaurants, the courthouse is old and in the center of town. Most of the people I've talked with (admittedly very few) are somewhat close-minded, but honestly in every small town I've seen there's something to love. I like being astounded by buildings, I also love being astounded by vast open country and natural scenic beauty (I look like a slack-jawed gawker in either scenario). I think Lamar will be a nice town and I look forward to living there. I'm not sure at this stage I'm missing much from not living in Joplin (the only big thing, really, is not getting to know my co-workers as well, but I plan on doing what I can to rectify that situation). I mean, after all, Lamar has a 24-hour Wal-Mart Supercenter, honestly, that's pretty hot stuff relatively speaking.

I'm very anxious about the job starting next Tuesday, but have been assured by many people (thanks, people) that I'll do a good job. And when I can completely convince myself and/or hear some compliments from my superiors I think I will start to believe it. No offense to my supporters, I couldn't live without them, but I've never been completely happy about a performance until I hear something from the highest-up horse's mouth.

It did help, though, to get perspective from someone really quite new to my list of supporters: a former babysitter, copyeditor and now, I believe, some level of editor at the San Antonio Express-News who helped me find the person who helped me get my DC internship.

In any case, after describing my woes at the Blade she told me I was a great writer. Granted, I write e-mails differently than I write stories. I try to be clever in e-mails, I try to be dry in writing stories. And I don't really see myself as clever to begin with but she, an editor, liked it. Irrational as that may be it helped immensely.

Beyond that I'm trying to see the people I know really well in St.L, maybe actually spend a little time in Columbia. finish up my medical stuff and move to Lamar to start a new job. What a week.

P.S.: I just spilled a bunch of lemonade in the kitchen because I forgot to swivel the lid of the pitcher so the spout would match the drain in the lid. I'm a functional adult, really, I swear, just ask anyone who doesn't know me very well.

Grandpa: "I'll be dead in a cold, cold grave before I recognize Missouri as a state." - more to come later.

...on your couch. I'm gainfully employed! Beginning Sept. 6 I will be the Joplin Globe's (circ. around 30,000) new Barton County reporter (SW Missouri, 4th county north from the Mo./Ark. line and bordering Kansas, pop. 13,070). This has put a number of fears to rest. Now I have to get myself into the mindset of accepting and absolutely dominating this challenge. I didn't have it here, I'm hoping with enough soul searching, positive mantra reciting and layover time (2 weeks between Toledo ends and Joplin begins, I'll be in Missouri probably in St.L or visiting in CoMo).

In the meanwhile I have a week and a half here to devastate local school cafeterias by making public records all that more public by publishing them in the newspaper with quotes, stories, and active verbs. Fear my active verbs. And whatever assignments they throw at me in the short remainder of my Toledo term, they are, after all, paying me. One would assume it would be for some sort of service as they define it.

In the meanwhile I'll be writing, re-writing and reporting on obituaries on night shifts, at least this week. I've been working nights all week, which is a little weird. I still live with 2 other people (4th roomate/Blade intern moved out Saturday), but I only see them at work. Whenever I get home they're in bed. And when I wake up (at the crack of, oh, noon) they've been gone two hours.

It's so strange not to be going back to school. Every year for as far back as I can honestly remember has whittled down to school beginning in August/September. Now it's to a job which I intend on keepign for at least a couple years. Working straight January to December. Everybody does it, but it still feels so strange, it's still new to me. So far all in all it's not particularly hard, those of you running victory laps for comfort in the face of the "real world," and not to criticize, many of you are brighter than I.

I figured I'd plug this in before settling down to bed with a book. I'm a fantastic procrastinator and lately the subject of interest has been looking for a job. I've sort of been resting on my laurels (and not comfortably, naturally i'll be unsure until i hear a definitive answer) since the interview with Joplin last weekend.

I'm looking at two jobs, both in business reporting (hey, i can do business reporting, right? or at least fake it far enough to get the job where i can learn it?). One's in St. Joe (feeling the Missouri connection, and i've talked to this editor at every opportunity in the last four years) and the other's in Killeen, Texas (it is, after all, my mothership) just west of Temple. The sad thing is these jobs require cover letters. And when you're not completely convinced you can do the job your pitching yourself for and, admitedly, just plain lazy, cover letters are long, involved projects. With luck I'll finish them early enough tomorrow to maybe make it to Kinko's and (hope against hope) a post office.

In the meanwhile I managed to put this work off a little longer today by rolling down to Ada and delivering Lauren's folks' "thank you" gift of an ice-cream maker. Because they're such nice people and because (i believe) they know how much I love eating (and i do) they invited me to stay for dinner and gave me some to bring home with me. I love surrogate parents.

I also love my real parents and siblings. I hope to get to see dad when he rolls into Detroit for business meetings next week. It is, oddly enough, only a week before I go back home myself, but it will be good to see family.

The Ada visits, the Cleveland/Akron trip and the Chicago weekend and, even better, seeing my grandparents have really kept me going this summer. It still seems so unusual to be at my grandparents' home in Marshfield, Mo. looking at a picture of me being held up as an infant by my great-grandfather in the midst of the biggest internship I've ever taken on.

And with that it's book time. G'night, friends.

One of the nicest things about an anonymous blog is I can say things like this with relative safety. My editor, Milton Bradley*, can tie himself up in a garbage bag (if he can find one to fit his girth) and throw himself in the river.

For those of you that know me, consider this statement signed.

I was reading last night at my grandparents' house (it was fantastic to get to go home in the midst of this Blade anxiety) and I couldn't help but get distracted by my bellybutton, and I came to a few conclusions.

I have one heck of an innie. Literally there's a cavernous cavity in the midst of my stomach. I think at one time it was an outie but in the many years since then I've managed to gain some poundage and some extra flesh around that aperture. I used to get stuff stuck in it all the time growing up (and out) but recently the problem grew exponentially with the body hair that's accumulated across my gut.

I won't go into details of what I found, only to say it would be an interesting speleological adventure if someone wants to apply for a grant. Just a caveat: keep your nose and navel clean. An umbilical cord is for nine months and a few minutes. Your navel is forever.

Speaking of, the compilation of Douglas Adams' writing, The Salmon of Doubt:Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time is fantastic. I forgot so much of why he's one of my favorite writers.

The Globe interview went fairly well, I'm in competition with two other people for the job, and until I hear back within the next few weeks on how I fared I am going to try not to think about it. The self-doubts of whether I should have done anything differently would drive me mad, and I'm already suffering from nerves.

Frequently I think to myself of how stressed out, depressed, disheartened I get here at the Blade. I know I'm not doing a good job and to start with I didn't think I was going to when I got here which can't have helped. I had my third (or fifth, or nth) meeting with my editor today wherein he told me if I were here on probation to be a regular employee he would have fired me by now for all my errors.

At the same time I have a wee ember of hope for tomorrow, when I interview with the Joplin Globe, which is a) smaller but still daily, b) in southwest Missouri where I already know some of the lay of the land and the people and c) not the Blade. I'm hoping most of my stupid errors (which they taught me in school not to make) will not be common occurences whereever I find my next job (even if it's in the really quite pleasant weeklies of southwest Missouri). If so, then I need to find a new occupation, one that will apparently let me make mistakes and still get paid (which sorta limits the bill of fare to meteorology or economics (sorry, dad)). I'm hoping this is only a phase (i really hesitate to call it a "learning" phase for the fact that I went to school for four years to learn what i've been told to do here).

At the very least I get to go back to Missouri, see my grandparents, and come back to go to a party this weekend. I'm really looking forward to the break because right now I feel like absolute shit.

01. reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. if I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. put this in your journal.

And the conversation following the above, I'd still be happy to do this for anyone.

Liz 01. You hold onto a take-no-crap attitudebut are one of the kindest people I know to those you like. 02. Happiness Is A Warm Gun by the Beatles 03. 10 p.m. 04. tubist 05. Designing the page for the Field of Dreams story 06. Chipmunk (can't think of one) 07. How far you'll go, because I know it will be amazing. cdogg | 07.18.05 - 11:09 pm | #

Brandi, 01. Your strength 02. Brandi (You're a fine girl) by Looking Glass (it's not a cop-out i swear) 03. 6 a.m. 04. confidence 05. Dinner in Jefferson City, the first time we got to hang out after I really got to know you. 06. a mule, you take everything on and plow through 07. Just how you manage to take it all on. cdogg | 07.18.05 - 11:38 pm | #

Illiana Celia Quimbaya 01. Your interests, you're so involved in studying and learning about the world. 02. The Man Who Wasn't There 03. 4 p.m. 04. transparent 05. The caterpillar in McAllister Park 06. owl 07. That you show so much of yourself, but seem to be so much more. cdogg | 07.18.05 - 11:51 pm | #

Christina, 01. I like, well, you, you are the best friend I have to talk to about just about any personal or professional problem I run into. That list is very small. 02. My Wife is an Actress 03. 1:30 a.m. 04. elusive 05. DC, definitely the whole getting miserably lost in a lemon bit 06. rabbit 07. How you manage to be so versatile cdogg | 07.28.05 - 12:56 am | #

Kellie, 01. How strong you are, I sense a theme here, but it's true. You had the guts to stand up to that which won't be named. 02. What You Are/Keeping the Faith 03. 11 p.m. 04. confidence 05. The good ol' days at the 'Tales, few they were but fun with the staff, if not with the faculty sponsor who won't be named. 06. bobcat 07. How you stayed away from journalism for so long? And where you'll take it. cdogg | 07.29.05 - 12:01 am | #

That's right, folks, it's a splash of optimism. Sure it may seem like I could be bipolar for a complete attitude turnaround in two days but one little misunderstanding righted definitely led me toward feeling a lot better about a lot of things.

So a week ago I would have told you my editor was a coot because it seemed like he was sending me on a wild goose chase after the veterinarians of this fair state, or their board, either way it seemed like a really insignificant story to work on. At the time I believed he said a state supreme court ruling this month declared that Veterinarians under investigation by the state veterinary licensing board would have five days' notice before inspectors could inspect their facility.

Now, as I said before, I'm really anxious about what my editors think of me. I don't feel like they think much of me at all, particularly since I've never beeen called upon when they need a story immediately. I'm not particularly jealous of my fellow interns, I'm happy for them that they've been getting clips. But half of my time lately has been spent looking at school cafeteria health inspection records with unimpressive violations on them. Nothing to make you cringe, the closets around those schools are pretty clean of skeletons. There's nothing, in the words of Brant Houston, that would make you gasp if I told you about it.

To get back to my story. So my editor gave me a copy of the supreme court's decision on the matter last week. I tried to read it but honestly it seemed like it was loaded down with directionless conversation over whether the terms "inspection - or regularly comparing a doctor's office to the board's standards" and "investigation - where a veterinarian has a recorded and signed complaint against them and is being investigated for that problem" were interchangeable. This made no sense because from everything i've read or heard lately they aren't in the least comparable, even to common sense, at least my sense of it.

So apparently all this while my editor was telling me the supreme court ordered that someone with a complaint filed against them was now going to get notification of their pending investigation-related inspection five days before anyone could show up at their door. That means someone who could hypothetically be giving morphine to Fido has five days to clear all the evidence out of his office before the board comes knocking on his door. Now that's a story! The way I see it, my editors are willing to trust me with that story.

Because I misunderstood my editor I also have a completely different set of data on inspections of veterinarians' offices in Ohio at large. And, by comparison, Pennsylvania, Michigan, West Virginia, Kentucky and Indiana. I called them to get comparisons. I'm going to call them all again now that I have this piece of information. I'm also drilling the Ohio board for records of inspections of local veterinarians. This is fun, particularly since Fido's health is at stake.

I also finally told an editor that I was worried about failing at this internship. He told me he's told every student (he's also a professor at the University of Toledo) it's a learning experience and I would get out alive. I've heard this before, naturally, but I told someone and it feels better. I also learned a frightening fact, this editor's a nice guy and all, a bit rough on the edges, but he said today that not only had he been a professor for 25 years, but he was at the Blade even before that. This is frightening. Someone should do some radiographic Carbon 14 testing on his seat cushion to give us a guess at just how long he's been at the newspaper. He also pounds at his keyboard. I can only imagine the cemeteries of computer keyboards buried somewhere.

Anyway, It looks good. I've got a ways to go, but I'll also get a clip from this veterinarians story. Peace.

P.S.: I make no apologies for the awkwardness of my "i's" some are up, some are down, some are right, some are wrong, there they stand. Also, everyone should keep themselves abreast of the activities of the Ferret lobby (see below).

Ferret abuse has to stop, dammit, join us or they'll turn you into their slaves.
Ohioferret.org

Two full weeks of working at the Blade now behind me. But still nothing much exciting to report. Sorry, folks.

Newspaper-wise I am still attempting to tell myself that my editors just might consider me to be a competent reporter. Right now I'm trying to come up with story ideas and work as quickly and as efficiently as possible on what I am reporting on to try to convince them that yes, despite my early days in the newsroom where I played the perfect bumbling fool and took no less than 9 hours to complete my first story with the help of four other reporters that I actually can provide what they expected: a productive, efficient, self-motivating reporting intern.

Last week I spent the better part of my day shifts compiling quotes, data and information for an investigation into health department inspections of school cafeterias. It took me three days to go over the data, find telephone numbers for the schools and start calling people. Honestly my work effort was comparable to the long, slow unproductive days at the Missourian. I did better this week. I actually spoke to people for my story and picked up another one about Veterinary office inspections.

For those who heard me yabber on last semester about my exploits reporting on rental housing inspections (about as fun as shooting yourself in the foot) it would seem ironic, and it is, that I am continuing to report on government inspections. I sent an e-mail to my professor last semester to tell him about my ironic assignments and that I had to put in records requests for each of these stories. He thought it was funny. There was one bright moment, though, I got to chalk a call to Greg and Kinnerlee Bast as "business related" because Kinnerlee is a real practicing veterinarian, albeit a South Carolinan veterinarian.

It wouldn't be so heartbreaking if I didn't feel like I was absolutely behind compared to my roomates. They're nice people and (for the most part, not accounting to absolute exhaustion at the end of the day on occasion) extremely talented but they've also taken to all this as part of the stride. Both of them were, albeit, editors of their school newspapers (one, a third, is also very good at what he does but is less experienced), but they are very good and I feel exceptionally incompetent when I compare myself to them.

So yeah, essentially that little creeping level of low self esteem that sort of infuses my psyche has definitely made itself very well known lately. Hopefuly everything will eventually pull itself together. Who knows, I may find something really intersting in these goose chases I've been on recently.

On the plus side I managed to introduce a Californian Columbia University student to her first Steak n' Shake experience this week (complete with your standard 30 minute wait on your server). I've been out a couple times with my roomates in Toledo (Toledo isn't a very exciting place, folks) in various states of consciousness with varying results. I've seen Lauren a couple of times, once over Memorial Day at her parents' house and then at a baseball game Friday with the Mud Hens who beat some Pawtucket Sox hide Red. I'm still looking for a church and direction, but there's a big United Methodist Church about 15 minutes away.

Anyway we're also an hour ahead of normal (or Central) time, and I've got to get to bed. Farewell.

And the Missourian dutifully reported on the proceedings. Honestly it doesn't feel all that different. I moved almost all of my crap from my Columbia apartment (almost the same apartment) just like I did last year when I moved out for the summer/fall. Albeit this time we left Columbia much earlier and I had more help, thanks indefinitely to Caleb, Jamey, Evan and Aaron. Now I'm at home in much the same position as I was last year. I know where I'm going this summer, but that job hasn't started yet. It will be my new place of residence for the next three months.

Like DC last year I will be heading out on my own from here. Unlike DC I won't be there with anyone I know already, but on the other hand my roomate's are less of strangers to me now then my roomates were last Fall. And with luck some friends will be coming by to visit while I'm out there. Anyone coming through Toledo this Summer? Give me a call. You've got a place to stay.

I don't have anything much to report. I'm in St.L for a few days out of this week and the next to spend a little quality time with the family and friends before ducking out for who knows how long. I'll be in wild happenin' Wichita this weekend on a writer's convention and I lose my parents' fantastic health care insurance on May 31st and my adequate car insurance on the 26th. Fun.

Then I duck out for northwestern Ohio on the 25th (or 26th, oh the mystery). I want to know I spent enough time with people that they know how much they mean to me. I want to know that my constantly churning subtle little fears are completely and entirely unwarranted. I want to know that it's all gonna be cool and I don't want people to tell me it will be. I want it to be all settled and taken care of. I don't mind moving across the country, I've already done that, I just want a job and assurance and peace of mind on the other end of the trip.

Essentially I just don't know. The story of my life always.