the navel times and observer

There's been really just one memorable time that someone's told me I wasn't going to succeed and I proved them wrong (well, technically two, but then the first was said to my parents). Granted, nearly all the planet's faced more rejection than that and beat through it, so touting two times seems lame in comparison. But it's what I got, so I'm going to roll with it.

In any case in my journalism class with the "teacher" Pat Gathright in High School when she told me after spending most of the previous two years demeaning my performance at the newspaper which she hardly paid attention to that I wasn't going to make it at the University of Missouri journalism school. I mean she told me she had students go there before and tried to turn me off of the oldest journalism school in the country.

Crazy hag.

But in any case I took that on and honestly it wasn't nearly as hard as it was supposed to be to graduate from the journalism school.

And while that doesn't segue, I think that whole desire to better and motivate yourself, self-actualization and all that is just dead to me now. I have no goals, I'd like to get a date, which at 24 for as little intimacy as I've ever shared with anyone seems like I'm already screwed out of any opportunities to even have a relationship with someone.

And to that, I'm miserably out of shape. And while that is clearly from this weekend not the first thing on people's minds when they see me for the first time in several months it's definitely prominent on mine as to what a disgusting slob I've become.

Jobwise? Ha! I had one goal professionally from the 9th grade through last year: find a job in an at least medium-sized newspaper. Yeah, I had some good internships, than went to Toledo, where I found out I cave to nothing when I'm under the pressure of a big daily paper and its assignments. It was disgusting.

I went to Joplin convinced I was going to do a great job and build up a great clip package than managed to fail to meet my objectives in either my first assignment by finding anything to write about or in my second assignment in being able to put out copy that wasn't rife with errors.

Now I've got the job I took because I felt all other avenues were closed. The edge isn't in Lebanon, nobody really wants news in Lebanon. They seem to want what's lying around and put it on the front page, and that's just not like anything I've ever been taught. And I have nothing to show but long pointless stories void of any usefulness looking like the other drivel my fellow "reporters" shit out.

I just feel like I am a pathetic loser. Now granted for those three jobs I mentioned I got the first one with an interview and the second two I got with just one interview. In both cases it was the first and only job I applied for and in both cases I got them with a very well-respected reference.

Even on my other internships I got them from references for the most part in combination with a very good reference from someone with some major pull.

Yup, pretty damn low.

Frankly, I'm not sure how I'm going to survive these. They were going horribly all summer, than I had three fantastic weeks of ACTUALLY making my deadline, followed by the last couple months of nothing but suffering either because other than last weekend I don't think I've made deadline in in weeks.

What's worse is that was with someone else's help. Even with someone else's help I failed to meet that goal. And that sucks. It sucks like all of last fall and a large part of last spring on top of almost everything I did last summer.

Yeah, I know I'm one selfish asshole, but those are my feelings right now as they have been most Saturdays since April.

Speaking of, I'm miserably lazy and ridiculously out of shape. Really it seems like after having talked to people in town and my own observations I am of a minuscule 20-something-and-single demographic in this town. Even if women didn't avoid me like the plague I don't know that I'd be able to find a date.

1. Name?
Chadwick

2. Where is your dad right now?
On his way home from work I would think.

3. What was the first thing you said when you woke up?
I don't know, something likely in response to whatever was on the news.

4. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
I have way too much free time and far from enough to do with it.

5. What color is your watch?
Bronze with a brown leather strap, unfortunately I haven't replaced the battery in at least a year so I end up using my cell phone.

6. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
pictures of Sydney

7. When is the last time you peed outside?
A camping trip or the time I was locked out of my cousin's apartment.

9. Are you close to your mum?
yes

10. Where does your best friend work?
I can't say I could name a best friend, there are a lot of good friends.

11. What is your least favorite season?
summer

13. What color are your pants?
black

14. Do you have a roommate?
nope

15. What color is your bedroom flooring?
brown

16. Do you have a chair in your room?
no, but there are several in the apartment

17. What time of day were you born?
8:21 p.m.

18. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
yes

19. What's your favorite number?
42

20. Do you know anyone named Laurie?
Yes, my aunt

21. What color is your mom's hair?
brown

22. Do you have a dog?
nope

23. Where did you live in 1989?
St. Louis

24. What happened to you in 1993?
We moved from our home for 7 years in St. Louis to move for the forseeable future to San Antonio. Thankfully we did it at the same time as the big flood that wreaked havoc in the same area we were just leaving.

25. Does your first memory involve your dad?
No, but then I have a fairly weak grasp of my first memory

26. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
of course

27. When was the last time you went swimming?
the pool at the apartment complex

28. Has your luggage ever gotten lost?
nope

29. When is the last time you spoke with one of your siblings?
Lee and I talked on IM yesterday.

30. Did you ever go to camp?
yes

31. Do you play an instrument?
not at the moment, but I severely beat a cello half to death under auspices of "playing" it for about 8 years.

32. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar?
seems like the best you'd get is a broken guitar at the end of the day, so no.

33. Do you like fire?
yes

35. Are you allergic to anything?
some Band-aids

36. When was the last time you cried?
in the midst of a heart to heart with mom

37. What kind of shampoo do you use?
a cheap one, i'm sure it's Suave

38. Have you ever been to a spa?
no

40. Did you take science all four years of high school?
Oh yes, and felt good about it.

41. Do you like butterflies?
yes

42. What is the last book you read?
It was a very thick coffee table book on Zeppelins

43. Do you like Coke or Pepsi more?
Coke

44. What is one thing you miss about your past?
less self-awareness

45. Did you ever see the school nurse?
yes

46. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
yes

47. What is one thing you've learned about life?
life gets harder in the real world

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
naturally

49. Is anyone jealous of you?
personally? I can't imagine who or why, but I know there's people jealous of me in the society-as-a-whole sense

50. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
no

51. What does your dad call you?
Chad

52. What does your mom call you?
Chad

53. What does your hair look like right now?
sort of an unkept vaguely sort of long buzz cut with some hair growing a little longer unfortunately in the back

54. Has a friend ever used you?
if someone has I don't remember

55. Ever been involved in a trial?
nope

56. Has anyone recently told you that they like you?
ha!

57. What have you eaten today?
a tortilla, Long John Silver's, an apple and a catered meal at the Chamber of Commerce dinner

58. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
straight

59. Ever been called white trash?
nope

60. Who was the last person to ride in a car with you?
Lee

61. What are you looking forward to?
getting out of town this weekend

Goodbye Ann Richards, I wish I had gotten the chance to vote for you.

For that matter, I wish more Texas voters had done so in '94 and we could have put off this phenomenon of our noble leader and his faction's reign.

I hope now that Texas will recognize that its soul is in the candidates who aren't afraid to follow their guts, put forward personalities that are really their own and winning over voters not by slimy tactics to win them over based on their feelings while screwing the pants off of them, but by talking to people honestly. In short, vote Kinky.

He's an honest guy spreading a Texan's message. He's got a little conservativism, a little liberalism and 100 percent Texas jewboy.

Brave on, Texas. Brave on.

Ironic that Ernesto, who we can assume by his more latin name is an illegal alien, is single-handedly flooding the southeast U.S., while the more anglican-named John, who by his more English name we can assume is just a tourist, is washing out everything in Puerto Vallarta not tied down?