the navel times and observer

So in the last two nights I had two different dreams, in each dream I was dating a different girl.

Now one of those, the first if it's any matter, is someone I never had any relationship with beyond friendship and is, in fact, today a married woman. Thus it was ridiculously easy to determine that this was, in fact a dream.

Unfortunately, last night's dream was different in the fact that I was with the girl I had been dating two months ago until, as I've mentioned before, she unloaded me via an extremely irritating e-mail. It was enough that I had actually dated this girl that led me to really enjoy this dream, which involved nothing more than talking with her and, at an airport, a neon orange posterboard sign underneath a cupboard at an airport that had the top 10 numbers of days the airport had gone in a row without discovering a dead cat inside that cupboard (in retrospect, it should have been a lot easier at that point to realize I was in a dream, I guess happiness went and fucked up reason again, how many points does that make for happiness?).

And, having had time to digest that dream, brain, I think Schrodinger wants his cat back (whether it's alive or dead is a question already answered).

So anyway, this only left me waking up grumpy because despite a few (at least in dream world) hours of happiness I hadn't felt in months I still woke up as frustratingly single as I was when I went to bed.

It's not so much that I wish I had her back. As has been correctly distilled by close friends and myself the biggest thing is that for a little while I was happy, was dating someone, and now I'm just a little more miffed because while before I didn't know a difference, now I do.

Now I'm still looking, and as I suspected nothing solid has come up. But for the meanwhile I've decided the time I would be spending pondering this fact that I am depressingly single should be taken up by other pleasurable activities. I hope to do as much of this this weekend and every free hour that I can.

I'm sick of this, I really am. If anyone wants, and I may be wrong in my judgment of myself here, a fairly decent guy to date, my line is open and my inbox is clear. Until then I hope my brain will leave me alone so I can work on something else.