Tuesday, May 13, 2008

t'aint a happy post

I've been meaning to say this for the better part of the last two months, but I think the biggest reason I'm unhappy since getting dumped in March was, for six weeks, having actually felt fully satisfied with life.

Now that doesn't mean I'm not generally happy. My job is going reasonably well, assuming that life persists along the path it has for the overwhelming majority of my life I won't have to worry about finding someone to spend the rest of my life with (after all, it doesn't seem likely to happen) and I shouldn't have trouble following my longish-term goal of returning to Missouri eventually.

But for a little while I actually felt satisfied. All feelings are I'm sure fleeting but for a little while I couldn't honestly imagine needing more out of life because I felt like the thing I had wanted for so long, someone to spend my days with.

Sadly that's gone, and it's not even so much that person but just the knowledge that when I lost that (granted by no action or inaction of my own) I probably lost my last opportunity for that for a long time. That is assuming that my life will follow the same trend as it has. SIGH...

I just hope I can find something to fill my time otherwise, it's weekend to weekend.

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