Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Troubled
So, after improving, slowly, on my application to the Juneau paper, I went to bed with some of the following thoughts:
I'm scared. I'm still not sure if I have it in my gut to really achieve success in the world of journalism. I feel like writing in general should be brilliant, edgy, astounding, and I simply don't see any of that in anything I've ever written.
Journalism writing and reporting in particular should be especially edgy, reporters should always be looking further, transcending what they're writing on. I'm not sure I've ever approached that. I mean most of my stories are just talking to people and writing what they said but I constantly (more so here myself, in Joplin after sometimes less-than-gentle probing by editors) am finding myself looking at stories and thinking "what on Earth did I ever show anybody that they didn't know before? That would really open their minds?
Which is what concerns me about approaching another journalism job. I don't know what it is to really feel like I'm contributing great things to a newsroom instead of filling in for another cog who's moved on.
It also seems to make it more and more clear that for the time I spent in Joplin I feel less like I was a real "adult" "mature" reporter who really understands what they were doing then an overpaid intern who knows nothing.
You might say "but, Chadwick, isn't that the definition of a 'cub' reporter?" Possibly, but I won't accept that.
I've reason to believe, and it's been enforced by many people, that I'm a fairly bright person. I really want to believe that. And there are times that I do.
So I have to ask what is it about a bright person that limits him or her from succeeding in a world where so many mediocre bulbs have succeeded just fine -- some in higher up positions than I'm in.
I also need to get on my ass to run again, I've determined that an appropriate "Chadwick-weight" is about 180 pounds (I'm at about 1.36 Chadwicks now). I feel better when I'm thinner and much worse when I'm fat, and I didn't have the gall to extend myself very far even when I was thin.
I'm scared. I'm still not sure if I have it in my gut to really achieve success in the world of journalism. I feel like writing in general should be brilliant, edgy, astounding, and I simply don't see any of that in anything I've ever written.
Journalism writing and reporting in particular should be especially edgy, reporters should always be looking further, transcending what they're writing on. I'm not sure I've ever approached that. I mean most of my stories are just talking to people and writing what they said but I constantly (more so here myself, in Joplin after sometimes less-than-gentle probing by editors) am finding myself looking at stories and thinking "what on Earth did I ever show anybody that they didn't know before? That would really open their minds?
Which is what concerns me about approaching another journalism job. I don't know what it is to really feel like I'm contributing great things to a newsroom instead of filling in for another cog who's moved on.
It also seems to make it more and more clear that for the time I spent in Joplin I feel less like I was a real "adult" "mature" reporter who really understands what they were doing then an overpaid intern who knows nothing.
You might say "but, Chadwick, isn't that the definition of a 'cub' reporter?" Possibly, but I won't accept that.
I've reason to believe, and it's been enforced by many people, that I'm a fairly bright person. I really want to believe that. And there are times that I do.
So I have to ask what is it about a bright person that limits him or her from succeeding in a world where so many mediocre bulbs have succeeded just fine -- some in higher up positions than I'm in.
I also need to get on my ass to run again, I've determined that an appropriate "Chadwick-weight" is about 180 pounds (I'm at about 1.36 Chadwicks now). I feel better when I'm thinner and much worse when I'm fat, and I didn't have the gall to extend myself very far even when I was thin.
# posted by Solon : 1:54 PM
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