Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tell me why I bothered to do anything with my life
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME IN ANY WAY
I came to the realization again today that I work at a job where I could have written and signed my own degree and probably could have done just as well.
I went to school two states away from my high school (and partially caused my family to move up a year later) to go to school for four years, spend a semester in DC, spend a summer in Mexico (big fat fucking waste of good money on both accounts given the result) to get a job in a little newspaper on the back side of fucking nowhere.
I deal with absolutely inept reporters who insist on long-winded stories filled to the fucking brim with reams of direct-to-print quotes at length from public officials and yet seem to believe that they know what they're doing.
If you let some asshole dictate your story you haven't fucking done your job.
I hate this. I managed to do absolutely nothing with all the time I spent in school, the work I did there and the thousands of dollars my parents absolutely fucking wasted on this little piece of shit.
I made connections, I networked, I got a fucking fantastic internship at a big fucking daily newspaper and managed to throw it away, 100 percent of my life is in the garbage because I'm working at a fucking dead end job if there ever was one and I absolutely cannot afford financially or emotionally to leave it.
I live in a town where I can't find another person like me (demographically) and I'm miserable.
Fucking miserable.
I have no one in Lebanon. No one.
I had a great internship and later got a job at a bigger city newspaper which I thought a year and a half ago would be the smallest newspaper I would ever work for for the rest of my life.
And yet, I went smaller. Because I am a good for nothing little shit worth no more than the dirt on the fucking ground and that has been proven to me countless times.
I lost a good 50, 60 pounds and managed to gain all of it back because I am just that fucking lazy. I'm not born big boned or anything. I am just fucking lazy and that is why I'm so god-awful fucking fat today.
I don't like myself and honestly I can't see why anyone else would either.
Smart? A smart person would succeed, dammit.
I came to the realization again today that I work at a job where I could have written and signed my own degree and probably could have done just as well.
I went to school two states away from my high school (and partially caused my family to move up a year later) to go to school for four years, spend a semester in DC, spend a summer in Mexico (big fat fucking waste of good money on both accounts given the result) to get a job in a little newspaper on the back side of fucking nowhere.
I deal with absolutely inept reporters who insist on long-winded stories filled to the fucking brim with reams of direct-to-print quotes at length from public officials and yet seem to believe that they know what they're doing.
If you let some asshole dictate your story you haven't fucking done your job.
I hate this. I managed to do absolutely nothing with all the time I spent in school, the work I did there and the thousands of dollars my parents absolutely fucking wasted on this little piece of shit.
I made connections, I networked, I got a fucking fantastic internship at a big fucking daily newspaper and managed to throw it away, 100 percent of my life is in the garbage because I'm working at a fucking dead end job if there ever was one and I absolutely cannot afford financially or emotionally to leave it.
I live in a town where I can't find another person like me (demographically) and I'm miserable.
Fucking miserable.
I have no one in Lebanon. No one.
I had a great internship and later got a job at a bigger city newspaper which I thought a year and a half ago would be the smallest newspaper I would ever work for for the rest of my life.
And yet, I went smaller. Because I am a good for nothing little shit worth no more than the dirt on the fucking ground and that has been proven to me countless times.
I lost a good 50, 60 pounds and managed to gain all of it back because I am just that fucking lazy. I'm not born big boned or anything. I am just fucking lazy and that is why I'm so god-awful fucking fat today.
I don't like myself and honestly I can't see why anyone else would either.
Smart? A smart person would succeed, dammit.
# posted by Solon : 1:34 PM
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