Sunday, August 27, 2006
Rough week
Yeah, I bombed another one at the paper this week. Again, got there later than I should have to get out of the newspaper on time and as a result I didn't get to start writing my story for the newspaper until after I'd taken care of lots of smaller tasks.
This time, however, I was forced to call in a reinforcement. I hate calling others for help in this job, particularly when I am being PAID to get the newspaper out on Saturdays BY MYSELF. But I had to call, there was simply no way I was even going to get close to making deadline if I hadn't called the assistant editor in.
In the end, I was still half an hour late, which is pretty damn impressive when all I had to do after 7 p.m was write one story which turned out to be 25 inches long, place that story and three photos in the middle of a page one the editor designed, spot a few items on the rest of that page and finish designing another page. Pretty damn lowly for it to take that long, honestly.
Yup, flopped another one like another dead fish on a wharf.
The thing is, I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I am entirely incapable of doing this job I've set out to do. This is the third place in the last year where I managed to fail at my job in this profession I've decided to get in to. It's got me pretty firmly convinced there isn't any profession I'm cut out to succeed in.
I mean I managed school ok, but I never really excelled at it. I made the grade, but then the grade these days is pretty damn low. And once I left school that was it. I didn't manage to do anything right beyond that point. I got two jobs and successfully managed to lose them, not that I was fired but there was intense pressure for me to leave and one was an internship.
On top of that, honestly, I've lost motivation to do a lot of things. I go to work, I still volunteer a few hours every week, but I can't seem to get myself to go to bed until early in the morning and can't seem to convince myself to wake up until the very last possible moment. And dating, well, I was convinced a long time ago I'm just screwed for finding a date. It's fairly clear even if I were to get a date I'm just not gonna get a second date.
For the few times It seemed close to working out circumstances either directed it to go elsewhere or I just wasn't ready at that moment. Had I known those were going to be my last opportunities of finding anyone I imagine I may have behaved differently.
Not that I could afford to go on a date even if against the odds I acutally got one. I'm barely able to keep my broke fat ass in the black as it is.
But please, don't pay attention to my bullshit.
This time, however, I was forced to call in a reinforcement. I hate calling others for help in this job, particularly when I am being PAID to get the newspaper out on Saturdays BY MYSELF. But I had to call, there was simply no way I was even going to get close to making deadline if I hadn't called the assistant editor in.
In the end, I was still half an hour late, which is pretty damn impressive when all I had to do after 7 p.m was write one story which turned out to be 25 inches long, place that story and three photos in the middle of a page one the editor designed, spot a few items on the rest of that page and finish designing another page. Pretty damn lowly for it to take that long, honestly.
Yup, flopped another one like another dead fish on a wharf.
The thing is, I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I am entirely incapable of doing this job I've set out to do. This is the third place in the last year where I managed to fail at my job in this profession I've decided to get in to. It's got me pretty firmly convinced there isn't any profession I'm cut out to succeed in.
I mean I managed school ok, but I never really excelled at it. I made the grade, but then the grade these days is pretty damn low. And once I left school that was it. I didn't manage to do anything right beyond that point. I got two jobs and successfully managed to lose them, not that I was fired but there was intense pressure for me to leave and one was an internship.
On top of that, honestly, I've lost motivation to do a lot of things. I go to work, I still volunteer a few hours every week, but I can't seem to get myself to go to bed until early in the morning and can't seem to convince myself to wake up until the very last possible moment. And dating, well, I was convinced a long time ago I'm just screwed for finding a date. It's fairly clear even if I were to get a date I'm just not gonna get a second date.
For the few times It seemed close to working out circumstances either directed it to go elsewhere or I just wasn't ready at that moment. Had I known those were going to be my last opportunities of finding anyone I imagine I may have behaved differently.
Not that I could afford to go on a date even if against the odds I acutally got one. I'm barely able to keep my broke fat ass in the black as it is.
But please, don't pay attention to my bullshit.
# posted by Solon : 2:39 AM
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